Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
