Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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