He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
