If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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