Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
