Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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