So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
