Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
