The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
