At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
