i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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