Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
