my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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