there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
