Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
