Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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