he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
