Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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