I love black thongs
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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