we made out on top of his cat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
