dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
