It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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