Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
