I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
