today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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