Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
