If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
