will power is for people who don't want to get laid
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
