You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
