i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
