You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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