I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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