just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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