No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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