I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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