Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
