Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
