she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
