I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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