you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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