bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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