Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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