Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
