Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
