oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
