The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Randomize
