Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
