just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
