There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
