The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
